Friendship is one of the most sacred human relationships. Ideally, it’s rooted in love, trust, and mutual support. However, when the concept of success gets involved, these pure feelings can get tainted, turning friends into gatekeepers instead of champions.
The Gatekeeping Phenomenon: An Introduction
Gatekeeping is the act of controlling access to something. When friends do this, they’re effectively putting up barriers to opportunities, resources, or information that could help their peers succeed. It’s most notable among those who have achieved some level of success, especially in competitive industries like sports and media.
The Psychological Damage
- Eroded Trust: When friends who have achieved success become gatekeepers, it can severely erode trust within the friendship. This breach of trust can lead to feelings of betrayal, making it difficult for the individual to trust others in both personal and professional relationships in the future.
- Increased Anxiety: Being on the receiving end of gatekeeping can lead to heightened anxiety, especially around professional growth and peer interactions. This anxiety can stem from the constant questioning of one’s abilities and the fear of being perpetually sidelined or excluded from opportunities.
- Impostor Syndrome: Regularly being denied access to opportunities or networks by a successful friend might lead to impostor syndrome, where the individual feels they are not deserving or capable enough to succeed, even when this isn’t objectively true. This syndrome can have a debilitating effect on career advancement and personal growth.
- Depression: Persistent gatekeeping behaviors from friends can lead to feelings of sadness, loss, and depression. Seeing peers succeed while feeling held back or unsupported can create a sense of hopelessness, questioning the value of one’s efforts and ambitions.
- Social Withdrawal: Experiencing gatekeeping might lead individuals to withdraw from their social circles or networking opportunities, primarily out of fear of further rejection or disappointment. This withdrawal can exacerbate feelings of isolation and loneliness.
- Performance Anxiety: In situations where the individual gets through the gatekept barriers (perhaps through other means), they might experience performance anxiety due to the underlying belief that they only got the opportunity by chance and not through their own merit or abilities.
Sports & Media: A Case Study
Consider the following example:
Alex, a budding sports journalist, is close friends with Jordan, a well-known sports commentator. When Alex asks for introductions to industry insiders or feedback on his work, Jordan either dismisses him or remains non-committal. Jordan might believe he’s protecting his position, but he’s sidelining a friend in the process.
Similarly, in the media realm, if a successful friend withholds opportunities or doesn’t lend support to their entrepreneurial friends, it’s not merely about business; it’s about trust. When a friend doesn’t share their network or actively promote a friend’s ventures, they are sending a clear message that they don’t believe in their friend’s potential, or worse, that they see them as competition.
Identifying Gatekeeping Friends
- Lack of active support: They never share your posts, congratulate you on your achievements, or introduce you to beneficial networks.
- Dismissiveness: They might belittle your ambitions or projects, making you feel like they’re not worth pursuing.
- Avoidance: They’re evasive when you ask for advice, help, or introductions.
- Overprotectiveness: They may seem like they’re looking out for you, but in reality, they’re preventing you from taking risks that could benefit you.
What Can You Do?
- Open communication: Initiate a conversation about your feelings. It’s possible they’re unaware of their behavior.
- Seek external validation: Your worth isn’t determined by one person or one group. There are many people and networks out there who can provide the support and guidance you seek.
- Re-evaluate your inner circle: If someone consistently shows signs of gatekeeping, it might be time to reassess the role they play in your life.
- Personal growth: Engage in personal development and skill acquisition. The more independent and skilled you become, the less you’ll need gatekeepers.
Grind & Pivot
An unhealthy friendship can impede personal growth and success. It’s essential to recognize the signs of gatekeeping, understand its implications, and take steps to protect your well-being and ambitions. Surround yourself with genuine supporters and remember that success isn’t finite – there’s enough for everyone.
