Intro
Ok kinfolks—it’s time for me to put another target on my back. I’ve spent the last several months digging into something I had a gut feeling about. It started off with a question. Then a pattern. Now I’m staring at a full-blown problem hiding in plain sight.
Some of these so-called “hard conversations” aren’t what they seem. They’re clout-chasing, cash-grabbing, divisive, and dangerous. They’re harming the Black community—especially our minds, our relationships, and our sense of self.
Let me break this down.
Who Benefits When We Tear Each Other Down?
When was the last time you watched one of those viral videos of Black men and women going head-to-head in the name of “healing”? Did it leave you feeling more whole? More connected? Or did it leave you mad as hell?
We’ve confused conflict with conversation.
We’ve accepted emotional warfare as empowerment.
The Business of Black Pain
Trauma has become entertainment. Your triggers are someone else’s ticket to 100K followers. Social media platforms, podcasts, even retreat spaces have built their business models around your heartbreak, your childhood wounds, your trust issues.
They call it “content.”
I call it exploitation.
According to psychologist Dr. Joy DeGruy, Black Americans carry generational trauma that shapes our relationships, self-worth, and survival tactics. But instead of healing that in protected spaces, we’re putting it on display for likes.
And that has consequences.
Weaponized Vulnerability
Here’s where it cuts even deeper: people are sharing real stories—abuse, neglect, betrayal—and instead of receiving compassion, they’re turned into soundbites. Crying on camera is now “good engagement.”
Young Black kids are watching this and learning that love between us is always loud, painful, or fake. That vulnerability gets clout, not comfort. That intimacy is a risk you take for views, not for growth.
Research shows that repeated exposure to negative portrayals of one’s group—even from within—lowers self-esteem and creates internalized stereotypes. That’s not healing. That’s psychological warfare.
From Healing to Hustling
There are coaches charging thousands to help you “heal your inner child” with zero credentials and even less emotional intelligence. Just hot takes and high-ticket funnels. Conferences that are glorified therapy sessions—with no aftercare, no qualified mental health professionals, and no real tools to move forward.
That’s not transformation. That’s a hustle.
So ask yourself: is this person helping you heal, or helping themselves win?
Divide & Conquer: Digital Edition
This isn’t new. The Black family has always been targeted—first by slavery, then by policy, now by platforms. Today’s weapon? Distrust packaged as empowerment.
Content that pits Black men against Black women will always perform well—because division is profitable.
But here’s the truth:
Unity is revolutionary.
And that’s what scares them.
What Can We Do?
Let’s shift this from pain to power. Here’s how:
1. Stop Feeding the Beast
Stop liking, sharing, and commenting on toxic clips. Algorithms chase engagement. Starve the noise.
2. Support Real Healing
Therapists. Community leaders. Educators. Creators doing real work offline and online.
3. Learn the Signs of Trauma Marketing
If the “conversation” ends in chaos, and the host is smiling, you’ve just witnessed a monetized meltdown.
4. Call In, Not Just Call Out
Talk to your people with love and challenge them to do better. Accountability is still care.
5. Heal In Private
Your pain doesn’t need to trend. Sacred spaces exist. Create them. Protect them. Use them.
Final Word: Our Love Is Not a Hashtag
If you walk away with anything, let it be this:
Black love—between brothers, sisters, lovers, and communities—is sacred.
Stop letting these platforms profit from our division.
We deserve more than staged therapy sessions. We deserve peace, real connection, and spaces where vulnerability isn’t punished or priced.
So the next time you see one of those “hard conversations,” ask yourself:
Am I being healed—or harvested?
Written by Dr. Leo Croft
Behavioral Scientist | Member of The American Psychological Association
