We’ve all heard the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” But let’s be real—most of us don’t even get to that second part before we’re back at the same table, dealing with the same bullshit from people who never had our best interests at heart in the first place.
Welcome to The One Cross Adjustment, a psychological boundary that isn’t about ghosting or cutting people off at the knees, but about making sure that once someone shows you their true colors, you never again hand them the paintbrush.
When the People You Trust Show Their Hand
One of the biggest blind spots many of us have is not knowing which people around us are truly in our corner. We assume that just because we share history, blood, or even a few heartfelt moments, that means these folks respect us, see our value, and want the best for us. But here’s the kicker: some people are just really good at faking the funk.
I won’t bore you with my personal war stories (trust me, I have plenty), but through my own journey of healing, I realized something gut-wrenching—some of the connections I thought were solid were actually built on quicksand. Worse, some people I trusted had an embarrassingly low opinion of me. I had been blind to it. And that realization hit me harder than a Sunday morning hangover after a bad life choice.
How Many Opportunities Have You Missed?
Think about it: how many times have you trusted the wrong person? How many times have you ignored that weird gut feeling because “they wouldn’t do me like that”? How many doors have you closed because you were too busy trying to impress or prove yourself to people who had already written you off?
That’s where The One Cross Adjustment comes in. This isn’t about vengeance, bitterness, or playing hard to get. It’s about making a strategic, self-respecting shift. Once you learn someone sees you as less than you are—whether through their words, their actions, or their behind-your-back commentary—you make the adjustment. You don’t have to cut them off completely (unless you want to), but you change just enough so that they never again have the same access to your heart, mind, or energy.
The Science Behind the Adjustment
From a psychological standpoint, this is about boundary setting and self-preservation. Studies on social cognition show that when we receive negative feedback from people we value, our brains go into overdrive trying to rationalize or correct the situation. We start thinking, Maybe I misheard them. Maybe they didn’t mean it like that. Maybe if I just show them who I really am, they’ll respect me more.
Nah. That’s a trap.
Confirmation bias keeps us looking for the “good” in people who have already given us reasons to walk away. But what we need to do instead is trust what we’ve learned and act accordingly. Your peace is worth protecting.
How to Execute The One Cross Adjustment
Let’s be clear: this isn’t a scorched-earth policy. This is a pivot.
- Recognize the Truth – If someone has revealed that they don’t think highly of you, believe them. Stop excusing it or hoping they’ll change their minds.
- Adjust Their Access – This might mean reducing how much personal information you share, limiting your time around them, or shifting your expectations of them entirely.
- Keep It Cordial (or Not) – You don’t have to start a war. You can still be cool, but with a new level of detachment that protects your energy.
- Refocus on the People Who Matter – Instead of wasting time trying to fix or prove yourself to people who don’t respect you, pour into the relationships that do.
The Takeaway
At the end of the day, The One Cross Adjustment is about self-respect. It’s about knowing that while forgiveness is great, it doesn’t require you to hand out repeated opportunities for people to play you.
So, let’s get real: who in your life has already shown you they don’t see your value? And more importantly, what are you going to do about it?
This isn’t about pettiness. This is about protection. Your time, your energy, and your peace are worth too damn much to be wasted on people who don’t see you for the incredible person you are.
Adjust accordingly.
